Pleasure to be you

I had a night away from home to attend a conference a couple hours south of home. I stayed in someone's home through AirBnB. While using her home partially as a vacation rental, the hostess is building a new business based around her passion for positive psychology.

At the conference I met people following their dreams, some struggling to do so, but nevertheless leading a life they were excited about. Everything from making instruments out of vegetables to opening co-operative craft stores.

I try to shake the feeling that something is still not quite right with where I am in my life. My mind justifies all the reasons why I should be perfectly satisfied and just settle in.  All of my investment in time and money have intentionally led me to this place where I am, but now that I am here I cannot ignore this familiar yearning from deep within. It seems to be simultaneously calling from my youth and from my future-self. Something so wild and unconventional that I can't quite tame the waves of emotion to ever see it take shape.

I have a deep gratitude for the opportunity to do what I currently do. I get to work on things that I truly care about. I am privileged to have this good-paying job in public service that is totally aligned with what I believe in. The work feels very important to me, but i am realizing that 'importance' is not the only important thing :)

I'm constantly reminded of this mysterious untold story... and simply none of the scenes play out within my current cubicle walls. There's a guilt that creeps up within me, anytime I entertain the idea of turning the page. That it's not the responsible thing to do. That it's indulgent. That I am spending too much energy seeking a life of pleasure.

But just as my hostess reminded me this weekend, there is real power in positivity. The more we can align our lives with pure joy and positivity, the more change we can affect. Seeking a life of pleasure could be the way toward a life of purpose. I feel like the last 15 years have been spent trying it the other way around... and although I've landed in a place that, at face-value, should be a perfect fit, the actual day-to-day way in which I live and work is just not cutting it!

So here's to something more radical up ahead; A sabbatical to study and define the path that brings me pure pleasure. I will step into a new space, in a new time... I will look at my reflection in still waters and say "It's a PLEASURE to be you, how may I be of service?"